I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
