At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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