the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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