THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
