i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
