Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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