I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
