You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
