am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sorry about my life...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
