Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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