And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Randomize
