I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
cat food counts as protein by the way
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
