My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
