UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
