i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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