dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
