well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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