weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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