So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
40s are totally the cure
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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