yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
