am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I bet he comes in French.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
