I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
