How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
