I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
