would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
im holly from the hills drunk
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
