Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
