made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
