i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
