you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
