Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
