she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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