Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
They took my balls.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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