We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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