what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
