just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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