Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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