you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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