There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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