It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
