Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
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