They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
