If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Farmville is her only friend.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
