I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
