My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
