either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
