did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
