i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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