The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
