If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Say something about gay babies.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
