Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
