First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
