oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
