Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
