I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
