Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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