I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
