Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
