my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
