i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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