I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
