Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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