singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
