remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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