If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just sent this text using only my big toe
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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