he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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