just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
