well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
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Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
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Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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