ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
