I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
