I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Two words: nipple clamps
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