Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
