I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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