this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
