Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
