Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
