saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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