He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
