i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
