Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i dont even know how to be here
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
