Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
